My girlfriend had a baby with a sperm donor so I can’t criticise her parenting skills’
‘My girlfriend had a baby with a sperm donor so I can’t criticise her parenting skills’
A man was urged to take stock of his relationship, after sharing a post on Reddit where he revealed his partner of ten years didn’t have any faith in him
A man whose girlfriend chose to have a baby with a sperm donor instead of him has been urged to end his relationship.
Taking to Reddit, he explained that the couple have been dating for 10 years but never married due to her “commitment issues”.
They are jointly raising a child – who is now six, but the issue of how to raise her is causing friction.
Bizarrely, the man’s partner chose to have the child via a sperm donor – instead of with him.
He explained that this is so the child is legally hers – and there will be no custody battles if they split.
“While the child is biologically and legally hers alone, I’ve been raising the child together since day one,” he wrote.
“The child will turn 6 soon. We both work full time and split the expenses but I do the lion’s share of chores if it matters.”
Expanding on the unusual situation, he says: “Problem is, as the child grows, she becomes increasingly protective.
“By protective, I mean she doesn’t let me use common parenting methods, like natural consequences and setting boundaries.
“Everything I try to do, she undermines/undoes it. This is NOT what we had agreed upon before having the child.
“We took parenting classes, read books and attended workshops. Now it seems she has thrown all that out the window.
“Our child can do whatever she wants, eat only jellybeans for breakfast if so she fancies, stay up past midnight if she still wants to play.
“Of course that is not healthy. She’s doodled on my work laptop and my girlfriend wouldn’t even let me sit her down to explain why it’s wrong.
“In short, she doesn’t say no, doesn’t teach the child right from wrong, and doesn’t let me do it.
“The kindergarten [nursery] teachers have already complained a ton about behaviour issues and suggest that we have our child evaluated, which we did.
“The specialist gave us some insightful advice that gf chose to ignore because she believes her child is perfect, and she is actively preventing me from carrying out that advice (such as setting a schedule, limiting sugary foods etc.)”
The dad said he’s tried discussing the issues with his partner “countless” times and even suggested therapy, but ended up going by himself.
He added: “I wanted to try harder because I really love the child even if she’s not mine biologically.
“But today I overheard my girlfriend tell her [their daughter] that I ‘still need to earn the parent title’ and I broke.
“I pulled her aside and told her I can never be the child’s parent because she won’t let me.
“Now she’s mad, accusing me of trying to abandon our child and giving me the cold shoulder.
Commenting on the thread, readers urged the dad to leave the ‘toxic’ relationship.
One wrote: “You have no legal or biological connection to this kid and your girlfriend has made it pretty clear it will never be yours.
“She doesn’t want you to parent the kid she brought into your lives entirely unilaterally so give her what she clearly wants which is a life alone with a kid she gets to mold however she wants.
“Go live a life where you’re actually wanted and appreciated.”
Another commented: “Ok blunt honesty time. This is not your child. Not biologically and not legally.
“And- more importantly- YOUR GIRLFRIEND DOES NOT SEE YOU AS A PARENT TO HER CHILD. And frankly, if it hasn’t happened by now I doubt it ever will.
“Why be with someone who doesn’t want to make a commitment to you because she has issues she still has not dealt with? “Why raise a child with someone who doesn’t view you as an equal parent?
“You should cut your losses and get out. You’re waiting for a lot of things that clearly aren’t going to happen.”